Why would Any She pretend to be a He?

One of the most common questions I get asked is: Why would any woman pretend to be a man? It seems like an extraordinary question for women during this time because, let's face it, we live in a post-feminist world. Women are triumphant and powerful. It feels as though there really is no reason to pretend to be a man.

But maybe there was always an underlying reason for that old flapper story of girls dressing up like men and going out on dates. Maybe it was not so much about dominance in the dating game as it was about avoiding unwanted advances or coming home from work every night without being harassed on the way up the stairs. Maybe it was just plain old sex.

The real question is not why women would pretend to be men, but what would cause a woman to choose to be male. It is actually much more rare than you might think. I can't say for sure that this is the case, but I have yet to meet a man who has had the urge to wear makeup, high heels and a dress and go out on dates with her female friends.

To understand why any woman would choose to live in another gender's clothing, we first have to understand that everyone has an element of themselves that they wish other people could see. This part of ourselves is usually hidden so it stays hidden, or it changes into something else as we grow up. Or it remains hidden and something in our lives causes that part of us to erupt like a volcano.

Sometimes we have to negotiate with our dark side. Sometimes, like Laurie Anderson's song, we have to force ourselves to break out of the mold. It can be very scary because often people don't understand who you are unless you fit in with their idea of what a man or woman should be. Sometimes there is a price to pay if you are true to yourself.

I once had a client who was an amazingly beautiful young woman from the South who came to New York City on her own and got into modeling. She was one of those people who is stunningly beautiful and yet still has the mind of a child. She recently graduated with very good grades from a very prestigious college, and she didn't want to take any chances on ever proving her intelligence. The instant she moved north, she started getting "that" look on her face. When she first came to me, I immediately thought that her skin had broken out because of stress or something else that might be going on in her life. But as I worked with her, I realized that it wasn't just the stress from moving to the big city. It was the fact that she was a beautiful young woman who had to hide it all from the world.

Her problem wasn't men. It was other women. She would tell me that they either looked at her like she was stupid or they acted like she had a disease. The second scenario is what really got to her because she felt that if she didn't hold up her end of the deals, then she must be sick. She didn't want anyone to ever think badly of her, so she tried to act like a man and do what other women seemed to expect of her all the time. Usually this means pretending not to notice them or ignoring their advances and being overly polite whenever possible.

Conclusion: Why Would a Woman Pretend to Be a Man?

We all have an element of ourselves that we want to keep hidden as best we can. If we are dealing with our own true self, it may take our over and out of control, causing us to do things that are out of character for us or causing us to make mistakes we might not otherwise make. We may not even realize it until it is too late.

The more rule-driven society is today, the more pressure there is on everyone to conform with social expectations. It seems like this pressure just increases in the last ten years because kids are getting pressured more because parents think they have better things to do and less time with them.