How to Feel Comfortable Joining in Online Discussions

Every time you enter a discussion, there's a risk of being judged. Whether it be on an individual level or in a group, you never know who might hold some prejudice against the person sitting across the table. This can make it difficult to find your voice and contribute to the conversation without feeling self-conscious. In this blog post, we'll give tips to help ensure that when you join online discussions, you feel comfortable and confident in your contributions.

1. Start a Safe Space

The first step to feeling at ease with contributing online is to ensure that you're in a safe space. This may not always mean that the environment is completely accepting, but that it doesn't pose a threat to your well-being. Good discussion moderators can help with this by encouraging people to be cordial and welcoming.

What's Not Safe?

There are many aspects of an online forum or group chat that can make it unsafe for certain individuals, including transgender people and those from marginalized groups. For example, fat shaming or pulling on identity labels are often considered offensive when used in person, but are frequently used in online spaces without consequence . Other direct incitements to violence, such as calls for eugenics or other forms of genocide, can create an unsafe environment.

An important aspect of a safe online environment is ensuring that it's inclusive . All too often, community spaces are defined by specific groups and become hostile to those who don't fit the mold. This doesn't just make it uncomfortable for those who don't belong; it also excludes people from the rich conversations that arise out of diversity. For example, in an online space you may want to avoid using masculine pronouns to refer to non-binary people , avoid exclusive language like 'guys', and include a disclaimer on private group chats for women only that includes information about space for non-binary people as well.

What's Not Safe?

There are many aspects of an online space that make it unsafe for certain individuals, including transgender people and those from marginalized groups. For example, fat shaming or pulling on identity labels can be offensive when used in person , but are frequently used in online spaces without consequence . Other direct incitements to violence, such as calls for eugenics or other forms of genocide, can create an unsafe environment.

2. Find a Safe Space

Sometimes you don't have to start a new group or chat room to find a safe space. You could join the existing one and ask the leader politely if they would consider removing the "like" button from their community spaces on social media sites like Twitter . We never know who the target of our "likes" might be, and we all have a responsibility to respect others' boundaries online.

How to do it:

In your reply, be polite and stick to one point at a time. You may want to say something like:  

Dear [moderator/group owner], I love [insert group name] and I really appreciate the work you're doing. Every time we talk about transgender people or other marginalized groups, however, there tends to be a lot of hatred thrown around, especially in anonymous spaces like the "like" button on Twitter . It makes transgender people feel unsafe reading posts with lots of "likes. " I'm wondering if you would consider removing the "like" button from your social media spaces? Thank you!

If the group owner/moderator is unwilling to remove the "like" button, you can still make useful suggestions to them. For example, perhaps they could try using a more sensitive approach in moderating their community. For instance, they could try:

Please put us on your friends list on Facebook . We'd like to be able to see more posts in our news feed when we're not logged in and enjoy the conversation about transgender issues without being bombarded with hateful comments.

Conclusion

Online spaces can be an amazing opportunity for learning and sharing ideas. Follow these tips to feel more comfortable joining in discussions with your online community.

3. Stop Harassment of Online Communities

We've seen many stories about how an incident at a club or bar can turn into a hate crime because the victim was identified as transgender . They face harassment, not only from the person who attacked them but also from other patrons and employees who condone the violence. While it's important to consider any social media posts or comments made by those around you, remember that verbal attacks don't have to be physically violent for your life to be placed in danger .