Favorite Camping Memory

As the sun set, my family huddled around the campfire, roasting marshmallows and telling ghost stories. It was a cool night in the mountains of Western North Carolina. I remember feeling so safe and cozy, surrounded by people I loved.

My favorite camping memory is roasting marshmallows with my family at dusk on a cool summer night in Western North Carolina. We were surrounded by people we loved, feeling so safe and comfortable. I was seven years old and it's the last time I remember feeling so happy.

Soon after, my parents divorced and my loving father was gone. My sister, brother and I moved to a new town in the small town of Sweetwater, Tennessee where I attended public school with my younger half-brother. It was a brand new beginning for our family but it would be short-lived.

My dad never told me about his alcoholism or his dysfunctional relationship with his family before he left us. He also never told me about how this devastated every member of our family. We were all hurt by his desertion more than we could have ever imagined because we were kids who thought he loved us . . .

In the months after my father left, my mother started to drink too. The rest of my childhood was filled with a lot of sadness, fear and instability. My mother would drink the pain away and we never knew what mood she'd be in when she got home from work.

My life wasn't that bad but I felt confused and alone most of the time . . . I didn't know how to talk about my feelings so I retreated into books and dreamed about living a different life. The only place I felt safe was at school . . . I was a loner who hid from the world . . . I was alone most of the time and felt like I had no one to relate to, but I did have one friend.

He was quiet and always read or drew in class. We never spoke out loud during class or talked in front of other kids, but in our books we shared our deepest thoughts. He would read stories about wizards and fairies while I read stories about pirates, hobbits and dinosaurs.

We were oddballs who didn't fit in with any of the cool kids at school. For the longest time it seemed like he hated me, but somehow he understood what I was going through without ever speaking to me directly.

My family was dysfunctional and I felt alone most of the time, but then one day he shared a secret with me that changed my life forever. He confided in me about his father's alcoholism and how it made him feel growing up. I didn't understand how this could be possible at the time, but hearing him say those words brought tears to my eyes. We were still young kids who didn't know how to talk about our feelings yet we were able to connect on a deeper level than any of our friends ever would.

I've never really talked about these experiences before, but as an adult I know now that I was depressed. I was also sad and felt alone most of the time. I didn't know how to talk about my feelings so I withdrew into books and dreamed about a different life . . . I would often dream of a magical place where there were no worries, sadness, fear or confusion. It was a place where people understood me, where I was safe, loved and accepted. It was like a place from my childhood storybooks but instead of it being in the clouds the sky was bright blue and the sun shone brightly.

One day at school we had an art project that called for us to draw our favorite book character. I drew him as an elf with silver-white hair wearing clothes that matched his starry sky background in his drawing. There was a crystal castle in the distance and his pet dragon can be seen flying off in the distance.

I turned it in to my teacher and I never thought about it again until years later. Then one day out of the blue, I thought about that drawing. It was as if something had sparked my memory and reminded me of a time when life was easier, happier and less confusing.

My childhood fantasy wasn't just a dream or some childhood delusion, it was real. It's not something I ever shared with anyone before but now that I'm an adult, I know there is no way to deny what happened next . . .

In the months after my father left, my mother started to drink too. 

My life wasn't that bad, but I felt confused and alone most of the time . . . I didn't know how to talk about my feelings so I retreated into books and dreamed of a different life. 

I would often dream of a magical place where there were no worries, sadness, fear or confusion. One day out of the blue, I thought about that drawing. It was as if something had sparked my memory and reminded me of a time when life was easier, happier and less confusing.

It was like a place from my childhood storybooks but instead of it being in the clouds the sky was bright blue and the sun shone brightly. 

It was like I was in a fantasy and I didn't have to worry about my life anymore . . . I felt like I could fly and my worries were gone. The sun was shining brightly, people were smiling and there was no sadness or hurt. All that remained was peace and happiness . . .

I thought about it many times but I never said anything to anyone because I didn't want anyone to think less of me. It seemed so unfair that this magical place from my childhood storybooks could actually be real while my life could still be so sad. 

It was like being in a dream where I didn't have to think about my problems anymore. I felt like I could fly and my worries were gone. The sun was shining brightly, people were smiling and there was no sadness or hurt. 

After that day people noticed a change in me but I never told anyone about it . . . As an adult now, I can see that the change came from the fact that I found peace there. The longer I stayed in this peaceful place the more strong feelings of love and happiness would grow inside of me.

It's hard to explain how it happened but something changed inside of me after that day at school, something that made me believe anything is possible if you just believe hard enough. I started going to school and making new friends. I was still a loner and quiet, but I started opening up to people more than I had before.

It felt like my childhood dreams were coming true, except now they were real hard-light constructs that could even be touched and felt. Over the next few months my life at home didn't change much. My mother still drank too much, my sister was getting into trouble at school, and my step father was making me do yard work for him on weekends . . . I worried about it a lot but as it turned out I didn't have to because one day out of the blue something happened that would change my life forever..

Conclusion

It's still hard for me to believe what happened, but I know it's the truth. I'll never forget the day my mother came home from work and told me "Your father just called here and he said to tell you that he got a job in China..."

I didn't know what she was talking about but I was happy she seemed happier than she had been for a long time . . . 

When my mother came home from work, she seemed happy. When I asked her what was wrong, she said "your father just called here and he got a job in China" She didn't say much more about it so we talked about other things until dinner.