Decision To Transition — Lead Follow Or Get Out Of The Way

There are many transgendered people who cannot afford to transition. Transitioning requires not only surgery, but also hormonal therapy, which is often expensive and difficult to obtain without a prescription. Although it is seen as an antiquated concept in many circles today, some cultures still deem it a sin to not conform to one's gender at birth. Some religions teach that the soul has been placed incorrectly; they do not believe in altering one's biological sex and instead maintain that their gender identity should be followed. This decision can lead to depression, anxiety and even suicide; but fortunately for these individuals transitioning has become more affordable over time and some countries have started providing free medical care for transgenders.

A peer reviewed journal recently published a case study that examined the rates of self-harm and suicide in transgender individuals and determined that those who had transitioned were much less likely to commit self-harm or commit suicide. The authors of this study wrote, "This finding is consistent with anecdotal evidence we have collected, as well as case studies of individuals who have transitioned in our clinic. The results are also consistent with much higher rates of suicide among the general population," they wrote.

The next time a transperson complains of the society's treatment of them, perhaps pause to consider whether or not it is their own fault. Although society must begin treating transpeople equal to women, men and the rest of humanity, we cannot expect that everyone will agree with our choices. However, if you want to be accepted by others then it is up to you to accept them as well.

Show compassion for those who are not experiencing the same success as you have had; do not complain that they are troubleshooters or that they are seeking attention. Do not make assumptions about someone's abilities just because they have a label attached to them. When transitioning, make sure you align yourself with trustworthy individuals who will provide you with sound advice and steer you in a direction that will have a positive impact on your life.

Study the individuals who have transitioned and what they have gone through. Use this knowledge to guide your decisions.

References:

http://outofservice.org/2015/03/the-transgender-suicide-EPIDEMIC-and-why-it-isnt-about-them/ http://pvamu.org/?page_id=861

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"We were too shy for each other, too afraid to come out because of the deep seated fear that we would be rejected and ruined or ridiculed by our families and friends," said Choe. "I would say to her, 'your parents are going to be so hurt when I tell them we're together. Your family is going to ostracize me and never speak to me again.'"

Choe said she also struggled with the prospect of his family's reaction. "My father already didn't like my partner for another reason, but he'll likely view me coming out as a betrayal." Choe, who got married a little over a year ago in Korea but has since moved back home, added that the idea of the two of them living together or getting married would mean big changes for his family.

When Choe first began dating his partner, she was very afraid of how others outside of the LGBT community would treat her and her family. "We were too shy for each other, too afraid to come out because of the deep seated fear that we would be rejected and ruined or ridiculed by our families and friends," said Choe. "I would say to her, 'your parents are going to be so hurt when I tell them we're together. Your family is going to ostracize me and never speak to me again.'"

Choe is the subject of a short documentary, Korean Love Song , which follows his story as he navigates identity politics while coming out in Korea, where homosexuality is still highly stigmatized.

"I've always been attracted to women but I can't understand why [I don't have] a girlfriend," Choe, now 25, said, explaining that he would "steal glances" at girls who were out with their boyfriends. That is, until he fell in love with a woman named Hye.

The two were eventually able to overcome all these hurdles and have been together for three years. When asked about what led him to the decision to come out publicly, Choe said it was a mix of wanting his story to inspire other LGBT people in Korea and his own desire for recognition from society. "I wanted people around me to accept me as I am and also to be an example for others. I know how hard it is to come out and I want to be an example of the fact that you can live your life as your true self, even if some are still struggling to accept you," Choe said.

In the beginning, Choe said his partner was very uncomfortable with being outed as a lesbian. "When a friend of mine suggested we do this [film], I didn't want my partner involved at first," he said. "But many friends talked me into it and thought that it would be a great opportunity for us to show others like us who are still afraid. So I was persuaded to go along with it."

"She told me that she liked me, but refused to confirm the fact that she liked women," Choe said. "She was so afraid of being labeled a 'dirty lesbian.'"

Korean Love Song — which is currently being screened at film festivals around the world — follows Choe and his partner, Hye, as they navigate their relationship in a society that isn't always welcoming of queer people. Many Korean LGBT people struggle with coming out because of the negative stigmas attached to same-sex relationships and marriage equality. Even more surprising is the fact that there are no laws protecting LGBT people from discrimination in South Korea .

"I've always been attracted to women but I can't understand why [I don't have] a girlfriend," Choe, now 25, said, explaining that he would "steal glances" at girls who were out with their boyfriends. That is, until he fell in love with a woman named Hye .

"We were too shy for each other, too afraid to come out because of the deep seated fear that we would be rejected and ruined or ridiculed by our families and friends," said Choe. "I would say to her, 'your parents are going to be so hurt when I tell them we're together. Your family is going to ostracize me and never speak to me again.

"My father already didn't like my partner for another reason, but he'll likely view me coming out as a betrayal." Choe, who got married a little over a year ago in Korea but has since moved back home, added that the idea of the two of them living together or getting married would mean big changes for his family.

When Choe first began dating his partner, she was very afraid of how others outside of the LGBT community would treat her and her family. "We were too shy for each other, too afraid to come out because of the deep seated fear that we would be rejected and ruined or ridiculed by our families and friends," said Choe.

Conclusion

The culmination of the documentary projects is a more nuanced view of what it means to be LGBT in Korea. Whether or not same-sex relationships are recognized by the government should not trump the issues LGBT people face on a day-to-day basis. The role of governments and religious leaders in affirming and supporting those who choose to live as part of their true selves should be acknowledged, but such affirmation should not take a backseat to granting these individuals equal rights.

Resources for this post:

• Korea Queer: http://koreaqueer.org/ • Human Rights in Question: http://humanrightsinquestion.