Buying Toys Without Favoritism

It's a typical shopping scene: you have to buy something for your niece's birthday, and you're struggling to decide between the Barbie doll and the Barbie motorcycle. You glance at your nephew, who is reading quietly in the corner away from all the mayhem. You don't want him to feel left out... so do you buy him a toy too?

In a word, no! In fact, experts recommend avoiding purchasing toys specifically for one child when many of his peers are present. Young kids are very sensitive — their feelings might be hurt when it becomes clear that they didn't get as much attention as their sibling or friends did.

But, if it's a birthday or holiday, you might be feeling a little more generous and decide to give your child a gift. In order to make your choices as transparent as possible, it's important to avoid bias. Here are some recommendations based on the latest research.

Don't go overboard. When kids have the opportunity to choose one item out of several options, they choose what they think looks best. But most children will not enjoy the flawed toys because they are not engaging; instead, they're bored with learning that there is no point in trying.

Give some thought to colors, types and models. Children are sensitive to what other children have, and they also tend to show preference in the same way. That's why manufacturers often offer three or more colors of the same toy; if kids have a favorite, they'll have at least one to choose from. It's a known fact that toddlers like dolls best; it's time for your family to get one! But don't feel pressured into buying a doll similar to the one you gave your sister when the girl was young. Consider the type of toy such as a garage, house or teddy bear — these toys are suitable for all ages and genders.

Lend some money. If you decide to buy your kids the same toy, consider giving them different prices. If you have to buy your nephew a toy too because he feels left out, try to give him a less expensive one; this way, they'll both be satisfied with their gift. This advice works especially well when you have more than one child who's close in age — for example, two of your grandchildren are approaching their first birthdays and only three months apart.

Don't make comparisons. If you're shopping in a store with children present, don't even attempt to start a conversation on how much the toys cost — unless of course, it's necessary and can be done in a neutral manner.

If you want to get a toy for your children, do it collectively. Instead of waiting to see whether your children want the same item as you do, purchase all the toys together or let them choose between several options. When they see how excited they are to get something, they won't feel bad if they're not picked.

About the author: Natasha is a certified Educator in Residence at The Children's Aid Society and an Assistant Professor of Education at Trinity College, where she teaches Social Foundations for Learning and Cooperative Learning Strategies for Urban Schools… Subscribe to my newsletter for more on child development and child care.

Photo by: Kaleidico

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I hope you found this article useful, I wish you all the best! :-) Happy Parenting!

By : Natasha Naimi & Associates, LLC (718) 376 - 6740  |   Tashna@NatashaNaimi.com   | http://www.NatashaNaimi.com

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Conclusion: You can do it!

All of the above should give you some insight into the importance of avoiding favoritism in your parenting. As a single parent, you have to focus on your child's needs and wants without being swayed by others. If a friend or family member has the same toy as your child, that's their choice—it doesn't mean that your child is any less special. Being unique is a great thing and will help children to grow into well-adjusted adults who learn to resolve conflicts amicably. Hopefully these tips will help you in learning how to avoid favoritism in parents with other members of the household, particularly when it comes to toys between siblings and cousins.