Understanding The Supermom Trap

Many of us are suffering with the supermom trap, feeling like we're never doing enough. We're always exhausted, constantly stressed and beating ourselves up over everything that didn't get done or acted on.

The truth is sometimes you have to put your foot down and say "no". Saying no to one thing means saying yes to something else. This doesn't have to mean saying yes to something bad - in fact, it often means doing something good for yourself instead of being a martyr for the family all the time! Sometimes this means leaving work early for your child's school event without worrying about finishing off work first. Sometimes this means saying no to a late night meeting with a colleague you're not really feeling. Sometimes it means saying no when you don't want to drink coffee with a friend because it will only give you that afternoon headache.

It's that time in your life where you're working so hard but feeling like it's never enough. You have too much on and not enough time, not the right clothes for your post-baby body, and don't get the holiday house sorted. You feel like there's more work to do, but you can't seem to get anything done.

What we discover is that it's a trap. It's a trap I found myself in many years ago and one I speak to women about every week.

It's a trap where you feel like there are things you can't do because you're too busy doing other things…. But the thing is, you're not actually too busy. You've chosen to make yourself 'too busy'. You're choosing to be exhausted, because if it's your choice then no-one can really give you anything else to do or expect something from you. This way, they will always have that pressure off themselves of thinking 'oh she's so busy, she must have better things to do. She must have a life'. Instead, you've chosen to sleep less and not watch TV when you're laying in bed, for example.

It's a trap where you put everyone else first and yourself last. If something doesn't get done, it's either 'too hard' or that person is 'being ungrateful'. It's not because there was no time. To most people you look like the supermom because everyone else can see how busy your life is but they don't see how exhausted you are. That's what they focus on - the good stuff.

It can be addictive too. You get used to it after a while - having everything done for you by other people. This is why it's so hard to take your foot off the pedal.

It may even happen unconsciously. It can be something you do without realising because everyone is putting pressure on you to do it. It can be the behaviour of your partner, friends and family which make you feel like you're not good enough if things aren't done a certain way or at a certain time. Once this happens, you start to believe that others are judging how good of a supermom you are based on how much gets done, whether your child does well at school or if your house is perfectly clean and organised all day every day.

The reality is that no-one can judge how good a supermom you are based on how much you do - it's a myth. Some people may think you're 'too busy' in the beginning of their lives, but they will soon grow out of that, and those people will always be there for you. Those people are always there because they care about what's best for your child first, always putting your child's needs before their own.

Many of us have forgotten to take care of ourselves at the same time as being supermums. We're still working our tails off, but we don't take breaks or eat well and most of us probably don't get a good night's sleep.

The truth is you can't be a supermom when you're exhausted. Supermums don't finish work early to go and say hello to their child at school, they often finish work at 3pm because they need to have one more thing done before they can leave. They don't cancel other plans or meetings and they certainly don't just skip straight home at the end of the day out of exhaustion - even if you are tired.

This is the supermom myth. We want to teach women how to just say no, unpack the supermom trap and give them access to concepts that will help them live more in their purpose and be at peace with what they are doing.

If you're feeling exhausted, like you're doing it all on your own without anyone else's help and like no-one else can do what you can do - this is the supermom trap. It's ok - take a break! Ask for help from other people around you. You don't have to do everything on your own. Take better care of yourself - start taking time out for yourself. You can relax, enjoy your child and all the things that you want to do now.

You don't have to be a supermom if you're too busy. It's not a badge of honour. It's ok - take better care of yourself! Set boundaries and boundaries are important. You don't have to go out of your way to become the perfect supermom - but you shouldn't live like one either!

It's time to put down that supermom myth and have a different kind of life where we all get what we need and can be our best versions of ourselves as well as being fasters in growing our children spiritually and emotionally.

Take care of yourself first and be the best version of yourself. This is what a supermom does!

From the Supermom Myth to a Supermom Reality:

Find out more about all our Supermum workshops including where you can purchase them and read about our other supermum topics. Click here for info or contact us for more information. We are also delighted to be able to offer The Supermum Myth Online Course as well as face-to-face workshops and group sessions in Brisbane, Gold Coast, Sunshine Coast and the Sydney area.

Watch for our next blog for more on the supermom myth and why it might be time for you to put it down too!

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Conclusion

What do you think of the supermom myth? Do you believe it or have you put down the supermom trap? Please share your thoughts and feelings on this topic in the comments below, as well as any other thoughts that might help us all learn more about these things:

Why do we feel like we have to be supermums? Is it because there was another time in our life when we didn't get to take care ourselves first - a time before parenthood, when we were still trying to figure out who we were?

Perhaps something else is holding us back.