What Can You Say "Yes!" To?

You've opened a door.

You've pushed on through your fear.

Your voice is aligned with your heart, and you have reached the point where you can say "yes!" to meeting your needs. You are courageous, and willing to disagree respectfully but solidly with anyone who asks you to do something that undermines your happiness. You understand that you may not always get what you want, and you are ready to be disrespected by someone who hurts you. You are no longer a victim.

You are now ready to say "yes" when you hear something that allows you to exercise your values without immediately feeling guilty or defeated. You have entered into territory where there is no right or wrong choice—only choices that feel right or wrong to your feelings and feelings alone. This is the place where all of us can flourish, because we can call ourselves forth in our true selves, with our full knowledge of the truth, in front of those who would harm us.

A single word may be just enough to set you free from a life sentence of listening to the lies you have been telling yourself, and letting others tell you.

A single word spoken by the right person, at the right time, under the right conditions may just be enough to shift your entire perspective.

"Yes!" isn't a simple word. It can mean different things at different times for different people. And it doesn't always work as well as we would like it to. It isn't an automatic weapon that can kill your anxieties in one glaring moment of glory. It's not even a win-win word that will always benefit everyone involved.

There are many different things that might be "yes!" to you, and you should allow yourself to choose them without guilt or negotiation. There will be no right or wrong choice here. When you choose a "yes!" for yourself, you won't necessarily be getting exactly what you want on that day or at that moment. You will get what feels good to your deepest needs and desires, at the time when they call out to you.

What is perhaps most important about saying "yes!" is that it allows us to remember that we have options, and we don't have to follow anyone else's agenda but our own.

You say "yes!" because you will be happier that way.

You'll be more likely to ask for what you want if they are "yes!" to it.

And the person who asks you, or those persons who made you feel coerced into saying "no," might find themselves saying "yes" too! Over and over again. And for a time, at least, we will all be in agreement about a thing or two. At the end of the day, no one has to lose out on something in exchange for a warm feeling of empowerment and freedom.

Be willing to say "yes" as often as you need to, without feeling like you're compromising your integrity or betraying someone else. Remember that "yes" doesn't mean "do it my way." It means: "this feels good to my soul, and I will honor myself and the needs of others by allowing myself the right not to do it." You can be sure that if you allow yourself the freedom to make that choice today, you will be saying "yes!" several more times before this day is through, because these are simply matters of your own personal happiness.

It is easy for us to feel guilty about saying "no. I don't want to do this!"

We are taught from a young age that saying "no" is an act of selfishness, and a rejection of the needs of others. We are taught to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of others. We are also taught that we should never hurt another's feelings, even if their requests and demands harm us deeply. At some point in our lives, everyone has been hurt by someone who said "yes" out loud, while they were only thinking "no. I don't want to do this!"

We are taught to let go of our feelings, because feelings are selfish and indulgent. We are taught that we should listen to our heads instead, because they know better than our hearts. We are told that we are unwise little children who must grow up in order to protect ourselves from pain. And if we feel misunderstood or hurt by another person's intentions, then it's our own fault for having bad intuition about what was really going on with them.

We have all been hurt by people who were very clear in their own minds about how they felt, but lied through their teeth about what was best for us. We have all been hurt by people who surely thought they were doing the right thing, but in fact had no respect for our feelings. We have all been hurt by people who were only looking out for themselves, and didn't think twice about asking us to give up something we needed in order to make them feel safe or good about what they had done.

There is no way to guarantee that everyone will always give us the answers that we want to hear. But there is a way to guarantee that we will always have an answer:

Say "yes!" instead.

The next time someone asks you to sacrifice your needs or your feelings, or your values and boundaries, the next time someone asks you to do something that is at odds with who you are, say "yes!" instead. If they want to use your body, say "yes!" if they want to use you for their own agenda, say "yes!" if they want to use you up and throw you away because it would be easier for them that way than taking care of themselves and dealing with the consequences of their own actions, say "yes!" if they want to cause harm without any measure of accountability for what they are doing with their lives.

It might sound like a bad idea, but it really is a great idea. It may not work out in your favor every time, but saying "yes!" is always good for you. And it will always be good for others too, because the truth of your own voice is the only hope they have at keeping them out of trouble with themselves and others.

The truth of your own voice is the only hope they have at keeping them out of trouble with themselves and others.

You don't have to be perfect, or even great. All that matters is that you are true to yourself, even if it scares everyone else to death.

Conclusion

Everyone who wants to influence or control of you is asking for a "yes" from you. They are asking you to say "yes" to the world on their terms, so they can be happy through your sacrifices. They are asking you to be their "yes," because your life and your value are theirs to take with no questions asked.

But there is a better way. There is a way for you to stand up for yourself and not put yourself in harm's way in order for someone else's happiness or agenda. And there is also a way for others to find out what really matters when it comes right down to it in the end.