If you feel the way you do about something, it will cause you to be fearful of that thing. That fear, in turn, will manifest into something bigger and more significant. For example, when people are afraid of being judged by others for something they say or do (for example: talking out loud), they often talk to themselves and get even more self-conscious thinking that everyone else around them must be judging them as well. People who have a fear of flying (or spiders) tend to consistently select destinations that are safe from bugs and planes.
Curtsinger, J. (2001). The dragonfly effect: quick, effective, and powerful ways to use positive feedback to get extraordinary results . New York City: Hyperion. p. 9.
Right now, I'm working with a client who has a fear that she is going to be stabbed by other people or kill other people with a knife (because of something that happened in her past). She has said that she doesn't feel safe when she's around knives at all -- even if it's in the drawer! Every time she walks by the drawer, her stomach starts to do backflips and her heart beats faster and faster.
She is so afraid of this situation that she won't even get close to the drawer on her own. She's been procrastinating for months about getting rid of the knives (or at least locking them in a safe place). This, in turn, has caused her to begin thinking about knives more, which causes her fears to become stronger and stronger.
When I asked my client why she was avoiding the problem in the first place, she told me that if she didn't focus on something else, it would cause her to think more about the actual event and make it worse. In this case, she felt so troubled by the thought of knives near her that she associated it with being unsafe and afraid. By avoiding the problem, she was actually creating more stress in her life because she had no way of sorting out the real danger from the imagined one.
This is what I call "fear-based thinking."
Fear is a kind of poison that lodges in your mind, distorting your vision and preventing you from moving forward with your life. It can cause you to ignore the things that need to be addressed in order to move forward and succeed. The more fear you have, the more fear-based thinking you'll do -- especially when it comes to safety issues or health concerns (such as cancer). The more you focus on what you fear, the more obsessed you'll become.
When I was doing my doctoral work, I decided to explore how feeling safe or unsafe could affect someone's performance.
I found that a person's success in life depends on how safe he believes he is and how good he feels about that safety.
If he believes he is not safe, then it will cause him to focus his efforts where it matters most -- in the areas that most affect his life. He'll be scared and stressed out at work (or other places where he needs to get things done). This can cause him to procrastinate, get sick a lot, or even quit his job.
On the other hand, if he feels safe, he'll be able to think of things that are unrelated to the fears that are holding him back. He'll be able to focus on his own growth, independent of what others think about it.
Similar to my client who was avoiding the problem of knives in her home (and experiencing stress over it), a person who is less productive at work is often avoiding something there as well (such as promotion or pay raises). A person who overeats may fear that she's not loved or accepted by others -- so she focuses on food rather than weight issues.
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