It's true: sometimes you need to lose before you can win. Maybe you're playing a game of soccer, and the ball is rolling towards your goal — all that stands between victory and defeat is one last kick. You take a shot, but it sails out of bounds! Now what?
Well, it turns out that learning from failure can actually help prevent future losses. The more times we get emotionally attached to a project or an idea, the harder it is for us to let go when things go wrong. This article investigates different studies done on losing in sports and other areas and explains what they mean for your life as well as how they can help you succeed both professionally and personally.
(image: vadimguzhva/Shutterstock)
What Is Losing?
When we lose at something — for example, the soccer ball goes out of bounds on your last kick — there are two major areas of emotional attachment that people have: failure and success. When we feel failure, we're deeply invested in our project or idea. We feel like if we win it's because some outside force made it happen. In fact, every time you come up to the ball a moment before it's going to go out, you subconsciously think "yes" and take another shot. The worse you feel about losing, the more invested you are in coming out on top.
On the other hand, when we feel success, we don't care about failure. We're already satisfied with our project, and it's almost like a bonus to feel like we've succeeded at something. The less invested you are in making a project work, the less likely you are to be upset when you fail.
So what's the difference between success and failure? Basically, if you're so emotionally attached to your idea of success or failure that they become your reality, then they exist and they're true.
Studies on Losing (and How They Can Help)
Dr. Aaron J. Haseley conducted an interesting study in 1984 that not only looked at how each type of person handles losing, but also explored how people who handle losing better improve their chances of winning. Haseley studied how students at the University of Iowa reacted to poor performance on a mathematics exam. Some students were told the test results before seeing the exam. Others read their exam first, then got their known results. The third group was shown both their test and exam scores at once.
After reviewing the scores, each student was asked to rate his or her mathematical ability on a scale of 1 to 7. Some students rated themselves as 2s, others rated themselves as 6s — and most fell in between on a scale of 3 to 5. After the ratings were recorded, another exam was given that most students had trouble with. Then each student's self-perception was measured again by asking how they'd rate their abilities on a similar scale of 1 to 7.
It turned out that those students who rated their performance on the first test at 2 or below were more likely to rate themselves as 6 or 7 in the second exam. In other words, those who had low expectations and a hard time believing in themselves after their poor performance on the first test improved their chances of passing a difficult exam by focusing on how poorly they'd done. Those who were most proud of their performance after failing rose in self-esteem by taking pride in how well they did on the second exam.
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