How to Make Your Self-Help Really Help

We’re all a product of the culture we were raised in and the way our parents raised us. That has always made many of us wonder: how can self-help books really help? To get answers, I talked to Dr. Rick Hanson, a clinical psychologist who also practices in neuroscience and psychotherapy, and Dr. Andrea Raffaele, creator of two self-help books on depression which got her on Oprah – Dear Depression: A letter from me to you and The Happiness Project Journal.

Dr. Hanson says that, “self-help is something we do for ourselves, not for others. The reason you find out about a self-help book is because you are looking for help with a problem and you came across an interesting idea or process.”

Dr. Raffaele explains that many people who read self-help books, “want to find something that fits and works with them, maybe because they don’t want to feel like they are the only person in the world who feels like this. They want to know there is someone else out there who understands it, who can say ‘I got this too.’”

Therefore, the reason that self-help books can help is because they are individualized by the person who is reading them. At first glance, this sounds like a generalization, but really it is true. What stands out about self-help books are their different approaches to helping the reader in comparison to one another. Like learning a foreign language or becoming a carpenter from watching a TED Talk, there are many ways to make yourself happy.

The way you do this depends on your personal background and experiences. This is where I think self-help is more than just a catch-phrase. It really has something to offer and the mistake people make is to expect it to cure them, instead of simply helping them through their rough spots.

Self-Help Books Can Help You Find Where You Are Going Wrong – By Finding Self-Help Books

This was Dr. Hanson’s first point in today’s conversation: how self-help books can help you find where you are going wrong. When embarking on a process that you believe will help you, it is important to fully understand the reasons why this might be so.

According to Dr. Hanson: “Just because you have a problem doesn’t mean you need to solve it, unless solving the problem is going to lead you to a better state of being.”

This statement holds true in every aspect of life. In an interview with The Huffington Post, Dr. Hanson explains: “Self-help is not the right answer unless it’s going to move you into your best and highest state. When I help my clients do that, I think they are so much better than they were when they came in; they feel happier, more alive and their quality of life is higher than it was before.”

The idea is to understand the difference between your problems, and what causes those problems. Dr. Raffaele puts it this way: “Your problems are often due to the fact that you live in a culture that is geared towards external things and away from your internal world. We as humans are motivated to make things better, but we don’t often know how to define what better means.”

This means that if you are unhappy with yourself, it doesn’t necessarily mean you need to change yourself; only that you need more information about yourself so that you can make an informed decision about how to proceed in a way that is the best for you.

“When you are stuck in a pattern that you cannot define or understand, the most helpful thing you can do is to read a book, take a class or talk with someone who can help you break out of it.” This can be extended to the way we view self-help books; if we don’t have an understanding of where the problem really comes from, how can something written by someone else possibly help? Although Dr. Hanson does believe self-help books for some people will help them move forward, he also says that: “I would caution people not let themselves be tempted into a psychological dependence on the remedy.”

“When you are stuck in a pattern that you cannot define or understand, the most helpful thing you can do is to read a book, take a class or talk with someone who can help you break out of it.” -Dr. Rick Hanson

Self-Help Books Can Help You Create A Happy Life for Yourself – Without Those Books

Andrea Raffaele agrees with Dr. Hanson, and says that “the best thing self-help books have to offer is not the method itself, but it is the opportunity to use your mind and focus on what makes you feel better.” She is quick to point out that self-help books can help you create a happy life for yourself, even if the issue isn’t one of “self-esteem.”

There are many examples that illustrate this: “I know a woman who wanted to be thin and healthy, so she changed her eating habits. She was overweight for a long time, but did not recognize that she had an issue with food. She was so focused on being thin, her body image got distorted. The more she focused on what was wrong with her body image the more it became distorted and out of whack – and this is the problem with looking at the symptoms instead of your issues.” Our issues are often the root of our problems and self-help books can help us to understand that, even if they are not the end-solution in themselves.

Dr. Hanson agrees, saying “My #1 tip is this: if you want to improve your life and be happier, become aware of how you experience it.” He explains that “the only way to really get there is by getting insight into your inner world where you will get an understanding of who you are and what makes you tick.

Conclusion?

Get more information. Both Dr. Hanson and Dr. Raffaele agree that self-help books themselves are not the end-all, be-all solution to finding happiness, but they can help you in the process. By doing some post-reading: analyzing the methods you read about, reflecting on your personal experiences with them, and then experimenting with new ways of living will help you to find what works for you.

It is important to remember that reading a self-help book is not going to solve all of your problems by itself.