How Well Do You Know Them?

Have you ever had a class that everyone in the class knows how to do well, but the teacher doesn't? Maybe they don't know the people they are teaching, or what their strengths and weaknesses are. Perhaps they are completely overwhelmed from teaching more than one big class each day. As a student, it's really easy for us to take for granted what an amazing thing it is that we're able to learn anything under any circumstance. Now imagine if every single person in your life has these same skills and attributes (which most of them probably do). That would be a pretty amazing life to live, wouldn't it?

In the third article in this mini-series (which will be published on the  9th of each month) I want to focus on how well you know your loved-ones. I want to make sure we're all on the same page as to what constitutes a "good friend" and what constitutes a "bad friend." I want to clarify that simply being a good/positive person isn't enough. A good/positive person can know how to help you with something, but if they lack character traits that are essential for true friendship, they will quickly show their true colors. And this is where the course correcting starts.

It's a simple truth that no one is born knowing how to become a "good friend." But this isn't an excuse for people who aren't good/positive people to cut you out of their lives. I'd rather work with you as an individual and teach you the things you need to know in order to make your life better. But I will only do that if you're real with me, and we can see eye-to-eye.

So let's start at the beginning. What are the basic building blocks of being a good/positive person?

Moral Character - You have to have good moral character traits in order to be positive and help other people with their problems. The word "character" comes from the Latin word "caro," which means "flesh." If you have no flesh, it's hard to show compassion to others. If you have a negative character trait, then I can't be your friend. Trust - You can't be a good/positive person when you're not willing to trust people. The fact that you're reading this article tells me that you've experienced the opposite of being trusted by certain people in your life. There's nothing wrong with that either! The ability to trust people is an amazing skill, and I will teach you how to do it...but only if we can agree on what it looks like. I have to take care of myself, and also you have to take care of yourself. If you're not willing to be truly honest with me, then I can't teach you a single thing.

Trust is essential because without trust, there is no friendship or positive relationships (for the most part). For example: if you don't trust someone's character, then they're not going to be a good friend for you. And if they don't trust your character...then obviously neither of you will want to help one another out. But trust and character are not either/or things. You can have both.

I see a lot of people in my life who know how to be extremely positive and helpful, but they have absolutely no character whatsoever. I also see some people who take advantage of their positive natures, and they use it as a weapon. I will teach you the tools to protect yourself from the negative people in your life...but only if you prove to me that you understand what good character is, what it looks like, and what it means to be honest with your friends...and most importantly...yourself.

Critical Thinking - You have to be able to think for yourself. It's not that hard to think for yourself. You can just ask some questions, and after a few seconds of thinking, you'll realize that no matter how well you know someone, it's impossible for them to be the absolute truth about everything. I am always open to the possibility that people may make mistakes...but if they do make a mistake, then there's not much point in having them in your life. In order for me to teach you something, I have to know where you stand on a lot of complex issues.

Honesty - There are people who live their lives as if they're being dishonest...and it really is a shame because they could easily be great friends with other people. It's that simple. We don't have to agree with everything. But it's absolutely essential that you respect where I stand on certain situations, and that you trust my judgment on other areas in life.

Humility - Being humble is very subjective. I'm not going to be condescending or belittling towards you. But I won't rush to compliment you either...that would be a complete waste of time, because we both know what's going on in our heads! It's okay if we disagree, but it's also okay if we do agree...and people can feel confident that they can come see me for advice (if they want).

Hope - This one is blatantly obvious, but even so...I want to be able to look at you in the eyes and know that you're not giving up on life. I want to know that you're willing to take some risks on your own, even if it's painful. We all want the same things in life, we just have different ideas about how to achieve those goals. That's why it's so important for us to be friends with each other...so we can share our ideas and see what works!

All of these things are possible (and many other positive traits as well), but only if everyone is willing to get honest with themselves. If you can't trust yourself, then it's not going to work. The more we can be honest with ourselves and work hard at our various issues (focused on self-improvement), the better off we're all going to be.

Let's start over again: what are the basic building blocks of being a good/positive person?

Moral Character - This is the most obvious one. When you're a good/positive person, then people can trust and rely on you. We know that an immoral person cannot be trusted, thus there is no point in spending time with them. Trust - When we compare a good friend to a bad friend...the one thing that jumps out at us is that good friends trust each other. That doesn't mean that we trust everything that they say. But when someone is a negative person, then we can't really trust them. They have no reason to help us out, and any advice they give us is inherently worthless...because it's coming from a place of selfishness and negativity.

Critical Thinking - This builds on itself. Having a good grasp on critical thinking skills allows you to trust yourself more, which will improve your character, which will make it easier for you to be more positive in the world and help other people (one step at a time), etc., etc., etc.

Honesty - Honesty is also direct and obvious. Without honesty, there can be no trust or positive relationships with others...

Conclusion: Not only is it important to have certain traits, but also it's important to understand why you want those traits.  You can read an article about how to do push-ups, but if you're not motivated enough...then you'll never get any results!  The same thing applies for positive thinking and any other character trait that we can possibly learn.

A good/positive person knows how to balance their negative and positive qualities . For example: just because we know how to be critical and point out other people's flaws, doesn't mean that we're allowed to use that skill at all times.